No Tomfoolery.

No Substitutions!

As my last post indicated, we have been slogging for quite some time. Trying to write while you are out of your mind with worry is- for me, pretty much impossible. It seemed like everything that could go wrong was either already off the rails or going there in a hurry. Which doesn't typically make for fun-filled reading.

 If there's a bunch of trauma and turmoil, it needs happiness at the end to make it worthwhile for the reader.  While I admit, happiness has been in short supply, at least we are working our way back to a point where every day is relatively normal. Knock on wood!

So we have spent the last three months cleaning up the shambles the renters made of our house, getting back into routines after the move, and dealing with the reality of living and staying Paleo- on a rapidly diminishing budget, while we both looked for jobs.

The good part is, I love my revamped home, particularly the kitchen. We are eating out a lot less, and we are a lot more active. SG has gone from 60/40 to 80/20 Paleo, and immediately lost his seasonal allergies and a good portion of his spare tire. He's heading back into the military, to get his retirement in 6 years, and get into a field that I know he will be great at!

Since the scale is still packed away somewhere, I hesitate to make any wild claims about my personal situation, but I have noticed that my own tummy seems to be flattening out a bit, my hormones are calming down (I think all that stress did a number on me), and my face is not as puffy. And I have a promising-looking job interview tomorrow. Hooray!

The bad part: when you are faced with little money coming in, working full-time on remodeling your own house, dealing with insane tenants who claim that they cleaned, so they want their entire security deposit back, and carrying a property that isn't selling, you have to take a look at your rapidly shrinking bank account and decide that something's gotta give. Which leads me to the chicken.

Confession time: We'd stockpiled a freezer full of pastured stuff from Tara Firma Farms, which we brought with us when we moved. But as of a couple of weeks ago, we'd reached the end of it, and were at Costco. And we needed chicken.

Now, they have good quality chickens at Costco. We've bought the organic ones from them before. But they are at least double the price of Foster Farms. After a lot of hemming and hawing, I decided it was time to suck it up, and get the "regular" chicken. And yes, I felt guilty.

Yesterday, I did my usual thing: Crockpot "roasted" chicken. I used all the same seasonings. And yet...

It just wasn't the same. I know the chicken hadn't gone bad, but what typically is a delicious roast chicken odor was underlaid with something- off. And eating it was off too: it seemed really bland, but gamy. And there was a staggering amount of fat in the bottom of the crock. I thought I was just being a weirdo, until SG commented: "Don't take this personally, but did you do something different to the chicken? It tasted a little weird."

I think we've been converted.  We'll just eat less meat, but the better quality stuff.

Keeping up with the Flintstones

As weeks go, last week was pretty much devastating. I spent most of the weekend recovering, and yesterday, I got back on the horse. More research. More phone calls. More questions. And soon, I will be out of this horrible cycle and back to my old snarky self again.

Today SG and I headed to Costco, where we has a Paleo book sighting in the wild:

 It's exciting to us- where we live seems to be some kind of vegan mecca, and going to the local bookstore can be stressful. Actually, any shopping here is stressful: the amount I spend at amazon.com is outrageous, but it's worth it not to have to deal with people looking through you at the grocery store and then having several traffic-related near-death experiences on the way home. Let the UPS guy deal with that crap. (Sorry, UPS guy. I know you think it's funny that you have a shelf in your truck dedicated to my own personal use.)

So: the bookstore. I wanted to get a copy of The Vegetarian Myth a few months ago: which is a pretty amazing book. HOWEVER. I couldn't find it anywhere. You see, the B&N near us has a pretty creative way of shelving books. So after much fruitless searching, I went to the kiosk, and asked the woman there where it was. And she became absolutely enraged. It was like I had requested a copy of "Killing Babies For Fun And Profit." The least obnoxious thing she said was, "I assure you, I am a vegan, and we DO exist."

The old me would have rolled my eyes and left. However, the grass-fed beef must be doing something because I retorted, "You know what? I don't come here to be judged for my taste in books. I do plenty of shopping online, but I thought I'd help stimulate the local economy. Amazon certainly doesn't judge me: and I doubt your manager would, either!"And I stalked off, with her following behind me with a flurry of apologies.  And I did eventually get the book, which she made a point of telling me, was in the "Theoretical Fiction" section- or something similar. Right by Religion.

And of course, she seems to be there every time we come in: long limp grayish hair, sallow skin, stooped posture. And every time SG pokes me and says, "There's your friend." And I wonder, kind of sadly, how much of that is due to her vegan diet.

We went to that same B&N over the weekend, in an effort to cheer me up, and did our usual rounds- magazines, Photography (SG) Knitting and Crafts (me) and then we meet up in the Cooking and Food section. And (unlike our Costco sighting) it is like PULLING TEETH to find Paleo cookbooks. There will be a few of them together- but typically, they're dispersed throughout the Gluten free section, or the special diets section, or the diet and fitness section. I know there are other local Groks besides us though: I keep seeing tidy stacks of Paleo books set out together on the "new releases" tables: even stuff that's not new, and obvs not supposed to be there, so I know it's not stocked that way. I have noticed that Paleo magazine is also more prominently displayed- we used to really have to dig for it.

Anyway, I had a huge stack, and SG had one of the leather bound reproductions of the classics he loves so much. And I said, "Hey, Steven Rinella has a new book out! I think it's called Meat Eater?! Let's get it." And we looked. And looked, and looked. And then I had to admit defeat. Ugh, I didn't want another scene. So I sidled up to the kiosk and asked the young man (very softly) "Do you have "Meat Eater" by Steven Rinella?

He crinkled his brows. "OK, let me look it up."  And did some typing. And then said, "We don't have a book called, "We Meet Here"."

So I upped the volume a little bit, and explained my rabid vegan story, and he laughed, then rolled his eyes and said, "Don't worry; I had ribs last night, and they were DELICIOUS." Whew! It was like a secret handshake.

As it turns out, Meat Eater is in the Sport and Recreation section.

Changing it up!

Motivation is something that has been in short supply, lately.

I realize how much I used to use food as motivation. Weight loss is something I used to use, but serious dieting (the caloric restriction, work out like a beast kind) seems to be not working, and counter productive to the other goals I currently have.

I should specify: what I am seeking is positive motivation. I seem to have negative motivation in spades, but it seems to be counterproductive. "I don't want to have stents and take statins!" is a real motivator, but not really a positive one. And it's been something I have been thinking about a lot lately, with regards to what's going on with Dad.

With everything that has been going on, I have been floundering. My hormones are running amok, and  I know that is a big part of it. My energy levels have taken a big hit. I am doing a lot of napping and relaxing, and I know I had better enjoy the opportunity while I have it.

The ironic part- While my body is freaking out a little, it seems to be leaning out somewhat.  I haven't been exercising, or particularly strict with what I eat. So....maybe it is the result of finally flipping a switch? Or maybe it is that I finally stopped trying and just let it go? 

Or: maybe it's THIS.  I am using a very small amount of testosterone gel nightly as a part of my whole infertility thing. We're talking, 25% of the usual minimum male dose- since Monday. And I haven't gotten on a scale, but I swear, I can see a difference: in my hands, around my tummy, the back of my waist, and my neck. I am losing fat. As I have pretty much been hanging around in the same range forever, it's noticeable. Women do have testosterone, and it is important for it to be maintained at optimal levels: too much can be implicated in PCOS, not enough and, well: I may have found the missing link for me. When your hormones are out of whack, it makes weight loss really difficult. We will see!

But, back to motivation. My main one seems to be pretty things: specifically shopping.  Over the past week, I have bought a ton of healthy food, a simple rotisserie for making chicken in the oven, a cast iron cornbread pan (I will be using it for crustless quiche!), Black leather sandals to replace my old faces that bit the dust, a leopard cardigan (a non-cheesy leopard print cardi is something I have been looking for FOREVER), A nice white purse (ditto, forever- but I got mine at Ross for $37),  new colorful zinnias for the pots on the deck, and some colorful new flowers that go on my feet.

That's right, I bought those ridiculous 6" platform shoes with the flowers on the heels. I was at Ross for something else, and saw that they were still there, discounted to 8 bucks. Done. I like the colors on the flowers on the back of mine better (white instead of orange). I have no clue where I will wear them, but I definitely have gotten at least $8 of joy out of them already.

 

Stand and Deliver

Long long ago, I realized that I could while an entire day away- effortlessly- sitting in front of a computer. This was pretty much OK with me. Socializing! Music! Reading! Researching! Movies! Whatever I wanted.

When I started changing things up, I realized how much time I spent, sitting in front of a glowing screen, and determined that I was somehow going to have to limit my time.

So I got a timer. This worked, most of the time. But occasionally I would run  into the office to check email really quick- or print out a recipe. Two hours later, I would realize that I still hadn't done what I hopped online to do- I was just mindlessly surfing. Whoops. I traded out my chair for one of those giant fitness balls. That made me feel a little better- I was a more active participant in sitting and staring at my screen- but really, not much had changed.

The thing that eventually turned it around for me was of course, a post at MDA about the dangers of sitting for prolonged periods of time. Now- most of the things I enjoy and am good at- like drawing, and knitting, and reading books, and watching TV, and staring slack-jawed at a computer- are all traditionally activities that assume you're sitting down. So....How could I change some of that?

I looked at my desk. I had inherited it- a giant, oak toned particleboard, standard desk with a cut-out for a rolling chair (or in my case, a "fitness ball") and a slide-out for a keyboard. It seemed wasteful (and let's face it, sudden) just to pitch the thing. What if I didn't like standing?

I took a harder look at that desk. I measured some stuff. And then I moved my monitor up to the top of the hutch. And put a storage box on the desktop to get my keyboard to an optimal height for typing.

It's not a technically ideal solution- my monitor is a little bit too high, unless I am in heels. My legs get tired. I occasionally realize that when I am shifting my weight from leg to leg, I like to flex my right knee.  In a perfect world, I would get a bar stool to perch on occasionally, or a small step so I can stand around like Captain Morgan and switch legs, as needed.

But I do know that when it is time to blow this popsicle stand (in 5.5 months!) I will be shopping for a bonafide standing desk. Because the upsides are huge- I spend less time on the computer, and the time I spend is not only active time, it's productive time. I get more done. My brain is definitely more engaged.  I figured out that if I am REALLY motivated, I can actually use my mini stepper, and walk while I read. Yes, I look like a dumbass- but a dumbass with AMAZING LEGS, people! The big hole under the desk I used to use for my knees, now holds the mini-stepper- and a large portion of my yarn stash.

While a lot of the options out there are expensive, they really don't have to be. If you've got some ingenuity, a bookcase, your existing desk, a counter, or even a strategically placed shelf or two would do the trick.

If you are a DIY kind of person and want a dedicated workstation, this How To at IKEA Hackers may be your speed. Or perhaps this one, from Apartment Therapy? (The AT version is pictured at left.)

If you want something that comes pre-packaged in a box, there are tons of options out there, if you google "standing desk".

When the time comes for me to spend my money, I will probably go for something a little more decorative- either an armoire, or a bookcase- and modify it to suit.

Doctor Doctor

Wait, how much saturated fat do you eat?!!

I dread doctor's appointments.

I suppose a big part of it is the getting weighed part, which I hate. And the lectures. About my weight.

New docs are typically the worst. And as I just got new insurance (through Kaiser) and was going to a brand new doc's office for my preliminary visit: Ugh.

Pleasant surprise #1: I actually managed to FIND the office. The OB/GYN offices at Kaiser are on the second floor, but you have to follow certain colored tiles and take a specific elevator, or you're hosed. As I had never been there before, I had to rely on the kindness of MULTIPLE strangers to get me there. (The initial kind stranger sent me to the ER. Oops.)

Pleasant surprise #2: They have a high-tech, digital scale. No more weird, awkward conversations where I have to ask someone to move the lower weight on the standard issue scale up a mark or three.  "I never would have guessed you weighed that much!" Um...thanks? Happily, not an issue. "Beep!" That was it. Win.

Pleasant surprise #3: My blood pressure has gone down. 108/80? Usually, I am around 120/70 or 120/80. I guess I have Wii Walk It Out to thank for that.

Pleasant surprise #4: I like my new doctor. She listened, was nice to talk to, and ordered the testing panels that I wanted. (A LOT of tests!) And let's face it- a Pap is never really something you consider a pleasant experience. This was no exception, but at least it wasn't horribly uncomfortable.

The only fly in the ointment: At the end, I thanked her for her approach, and her discretion in not giving me The Fat Lecture.  "Oh- well, your exercise habits seem good. But yes, we will be discussing that down the road!" she said, cheerily. (Cue distant ominous thunderclap.)  And she hasn't gotten a look at my cholesterol results yet. I am getting my speech about declining statins all prepared.

Then on the way out, I ended up joining forces with a group of 5 people who were also desperately searching for the exit. Which would have been funny, if it wasn't so freaking sad That place is like a rabbit warren.

Ironically, the next errand was to pick up our CSA veggie and pastured meat orders from Tara Firma Farms. Lots of nice salad greens, and a stripey cucumber that looks like a variety of gutah!

Meat order was especially good this week too: a pastured chicken, pork sausage with apples in it, and some ground beef. Yum!  

I tossed all that into the fridge, then made a stop at Ross (I had an hour to kill).


I am trying to update my summer wardrobe. I've been wearing the same clothes for the last few summers- something most other people would probably take for granted, but having clothes fit me reliably from one summer to the next is still something that blows my mind. I picked up some cute tops and some summer dresses.

I also had a hilarious experience when I tried on a crazy pair of shoes. These suckers were HIGH. I'd estimate 6 inch wedge heels- white open toed sandals with a basket-weave sole, and on the very back of the heels, about 20 multicolored leather flowers, each anchored with a metal stud. Please keep in mind that I am 37, and not a drag queen, and I have nowhere to wear them, but they were on CLEARANCE. And I just had to know. I live in an area where expensive yoga pants and flip-flops are de rigeur. But these things were pretty extreme by any standards.

So I am standing there in front of the shoe mirror, basically over 6 feet tall and wearing a tiny backyard on each foot, and a mom with two little boys following her like ducklings walks by. The oldest was about four. He stopped and took a long look at my feet, and then reluctantly moved on when his mom called to him. Little bro- probably 2, close to three- just stopped and stared, mouth open, completely flabbergasted, for a good minute. Words had completely escaped him. I said to him, "Fancy shoes, huh?" and he just nodded mutely. Mom kept calling him, and finally walked back over to where I was, and picked the little guy up, laughing.  Never underestimate the power of shoes!

Next stop- Haircut. My hair was getting completely out of control. I probably hadn't gotten a trim in 6 months. I finally managed to make an appointment with my hair guru, and while we agreed to take three inches off, I would guess the total had to be closer to 5 or 6. I needed it though. Behold!

I think it's a pretty good Before and After- and yes. I brushed my hair that morning. 

 Yesterday, while people were out celebrating and relaxing, SG and I put up the flag, then joined forces and got some much-needed cleaning done. We did take a break mid-day, so we could feast. Grass-fed cheese burgers! He grilled, and I made the salad. 

As I was putting the finishing touches on our plates, he bought in the burgers, fresh from the grill. And mentioned that one of our neighbors had complimented him on the smells that typically waft out our kitchen window at dinnertime. Our neighbor is divorced, and has custody of his eight-year-old son.

"I feel bad," said SG. "They were sitting out front, eating tuna-fish sandwiches. Can we...?" And he motioned to the plate of burgers with his free-hand. We'd grilled up two pounds of grassfed beef. There was plenty to share.

   

We made up a plate and SG took it over. I hope they liked it! 

Chicken is on the menu for tonight. I don't know what I would do without my CrockPot.