Changing it up!

Motivation is something that has been in short supply, lately.

I realize how much I used to use food as motivation. Weight loss is something I used to use, but serious dieting (the caloric restriction, work out like a beast kind) seems to be not working, and counter productive to the other goals I currently have.

I should specify: what I am seeking is positive motivation. I seem to have negative motivation in spades, but it seems to be counterproductive. "I don't want to have stents and take statins!" is a real motivator, but not really a positive one. And it's been something I have been thinking about a lot lately, with regards to what's going on with Dad.

With everything that has been going on, I have been floundering. My hormones are running amok, and  I know that is a big part of it. My energy levels have taken a big hit. I am doing a lot of napping and relaxing, and I know I had better enjoy the opportunity while I have it.

The ironic part- While my body is freaking out a little, it seems to be leaning out somewhat.  I haven't been exercising, or particularly strict with what I eat. So....maybe it is the result of finally flipping a switch? Or maybe it is that I finally stopped trying and just let it go? 

Or: maybe it's THIS.  I am using a very small amount of testosterone gel nightly as a part of my whole infertility thing. We're talking, 25% of the usual minimum male dose- since Monday. And I haven't gotten on a scale, but I swear, I can see a difference: in my hands, around my tummy, the back of my waist, and my neck. I am losing fat. As I have pretty much been hanging around in the same range forever, it's noticeable. Women do have testosterone, and it is important for it to be maintained at optimal levels: too much can be implicated in PCOS, not enough and, well: I may have found the missing link for me. When your hormones are out of whack, it makes weight loss really difficult. We will see!

But, back to motivation. My main one seems to be pretty things: specifically shopping.  Over the past week, I have bought a ton of healthy food, a simple rotisserie for making chicken in the oven, a cast iron cornbread pan (I will be using it for crustless quiche!), Black leather sandals to replace my old faces that bit the dust, a leopard cardigan (a non-cheesy leopard print cardi is something I have been looking for FOREVER), A nice white purse (ditto, forever- but I got mine at Ross for $37),  new colorful zinnias for the pots on the deck, and some colorful new flowers that go on my feet.

That's right, I bought those ridiculous 6" platform shoes with the flowers on the heels. I was at Ross for something else, and saw that they were still there, discounted to 8 bucks. Done. I like the colors on the flowers on the back of mine better (white instead of orange). I have no clue where I will wear them, but I definitely have gotten at least $8 of joy out of them already.