Bye Bye Shampoo

Getting rid of shampoo and using less chemically options has somehow become known as "no poo." As in, "I am going "no poo" starting tomorrow!" This terminology vexes me, but I still find the process intriguing. (Dudes: you may find this process less intriguing. Don't worry, there are lots of other manly sites you can go visit. )

At the very beginning of my Paleo journey, I attempted something like this. Unfortunately, the experiment coincided with a July trip to Italy. The combination of unmanageable hair, jaw-dropping heat and humidity, and travel photos was a tough one, and vanity/comfort finally won out. 

So, fast forward a year or so, and I realize that when I get breakouts, they seem to be around my hairline. Check the shampoo bottle: While I made sure it was paraben, sulfate, and silicone free, I didn't even think to check for "hydrolized wheat gluten".

So I tried looking for shampoos that met all those requirements, and also had some kind of vanilla smell: with no lavender or citrus. Evidently, that sort of shampoo does not exist.

Fine shampoo. To hell with you! I've been trying to get my hair to grow to about waist-length for years, and always managing to get it "almost there". Then I go to the salon and they cut off 2-4 inches of horribly damaged length. It's not like I'm not asking for Crystal Gayle hair length, here, and I realize that years of dyeing and crappy diet and all kinds of other stuff had probably taken their toll. Hmm. Maybe what my hair needs is "less crap".

So the great "No Shampoo Experiment" began.  

My hair is really long, and fairly thick It also tends to frizz quite a bit, if there's any kind of humidity. Since it's long, it has enough weight to it that it stays relatively flat on top, but the ends puff up alarmingly, and I end up with a sort of "Cocker Spaniel" thing going on. While it looked really cute on my childhood doggie, I am not a fan of it on me.

The first time I tried it, I was overjoyed. I'd gone to Crunchy Betty's No Poo tutorial, and familiarized myself with everything. I got a little nubby scalp treatment thing from the beauty supply store, diluted some ACV, mixed up some baking soda solution, and wow! It looked great! Lots of shine...although I was shocked at how much less curl there was. I did miss the shampoo smell, but hey- that's why I have what I lovingly call "granola perfume". 

We also went for a walk in the fog, and my hair didn't frizz: although the ends curled up a little. I wasn't using any lotions or potions on it either.

Then I did it again...and again...and again.

After the third and fourth "again", I wasn't too thrilled with it. I wash my hair twice a week, sometimes three times- My hair was used to that with regular shampoo, so transitioning to "no-poo" on that same schedule wasn't the problem. My scalp didn't itch or go into super oily mode. I was thrilled with the volume and shine. I definitely didn't miss the frizz. There was really only one big drawback: the ends of my hair were starting to feel like sad little brillo pads. I tried adding a little coconut oil, and that just made the ends look all stringy- and they were still dry. Jojoba did the same thing.

So of course, I did my reading. Everyone who does this says there's a learning curve. There were all kinds of solutions to this problem: masks, henna, hot oil treatments,with seemingly only middling results. Typically, people would give up. Chopping all my hair off was beginning to sound like a valid option.  A few things stuck with me though, and I decided to try one of the potions (based on the fact that I had all the ingredients in my fridge.)

And: voila! I have tried this twice, and my hair feels better and better each time. It looks great, too. As I have continued with the experiment, I find that I am not "shedding" as much, which is an exciting development- both for me, and whoever is responsible for the shower drain.

Here's my recipe for success. Keep in mind that this is a lot more feasible if you wash your hair at night, but you could also pre-make this. Amounts are approximate: I don't measure.

Ingredients:

Honey
Water
Full-fat Greek yogurt
Baking soda
Apple cider vinegar

Implements:

Little bowl (optional)
nubby scalp brush
wide tooth comb
boar bristle brush (optional)
flexible plastic bottle with a long conical tip (like a hair color bottle)

empty bottle for vinegar rinse

Instructions:

Brush all tangles out of your hair. Mix 1/4 c. Greek yogurt and 1 tsp. honey- You can use a bowl, I just glop it into my hand. Mix it up, and massage it into the dry parts of your hair.  Throw it into a ponytail, and watch a TV show while it works its magic. You can wrap it in plastic wrap (or a towel) for extra conditioning if you want.

When you are ready to wash your hair, heat water (about 4 c.) until it is warm enough to dissolve baking soda and liquefy honey. Some people thinks that boiling the water first gives you better results: if you do that, wait until it has cooled a little before pouring it everywhere.

While water is heating, measure 2 TB. baking soda into the flexible plastic bottle, and 2 TB ACV and 1 tsp. honey into vinegar rinse bottle.

When water is ready, fill both bottles not quite full: they need some sloshing room, so you can mix the ingredients. Shake to combine.

In the shower, use the pint on the bottle to get baking soda solution close to your scalp. Focus on the roots, mixture will run down the length of your hair. Use nubby brush to really work it in- this also keeps scalp from getting gross. Let it sit for awhile, while you do the innumerable other shower things you have to do. Then rinse thoroughly.

OK: shut eyes, tilt head back, and pour ACV mix over scalp, and onto length of hair. When hair is saturated, comb through with wide tooth comb.  Rinse.

Then do the usual blot dry. I comb it through and use the hair dryer after that

The boar bristle brush is something I use between washings: it redistributes the natural oils from your hair, so they aren't just hanging out by the scalp.

Has anyone tried a version of this?
 

The Heat is On, Part Two

Oh Books. How do I love thee! Let me count the ways.

I can get a little long-winded, so I decided to make this a two-parter. If you want to read the first bit, you can check it out here!

Eat less and exercise more seems like a no-brainer. However, it definitely doesn't work for everyone.  It may address the extra weight, but not the cause of it. I mean, let's face it, if that's all it took, there would be no fat people. Because we all know, eating right and exercising is what you are supposed to do. It sounds so sensible. It rolls so easily off the tongue. I've done it, time and time again, and well- here I am.

The first thing that piqued my interest: someone on the MDA boards asserted that women tend to lose more weight with Paleo (no grains, no sugar, no dairy) than following a more Primal diet (no grains, no sugar.) What I have noticed as the main difference between the two- Paleo seems more permissive of natural sugars, like raw honey, and high-sugar fruits. In the past, they also encouraged trimming fat from meat- more due to concerns over Omega 3/Omega 6 ratios present in feedlot meats than fat content, but still- lower in fat, so definitely something to consider. And the dairy advocated by Primal enthusiasts is ideally full-fat- and raw. Also, fat is much-lauded on the Primal boards at MDA, as being "limitless".

So perhaps the additional fat present in primal eating- while great for some people- is sabotaging me, and other people (primarily women) in the same boat? If you eat a lot of fatty meat and full-fat raw dairy- that's a considerable dietary difference. As an example- there were periods of years (Formative years, of course) when I tried to keep my calories below 1200, and my fat intake below 10 grams a day. While it worked initially, I eventually couldn't sustain it. As soon as I deviated, BAM! I would gain. If your body has been subjected to long periods of low-fat dieting, it would make sense that your body would get really good at hanging onto the fat calories it could get, because you need fat to survive and be healthy!

As I did more reading, I ran across a few theories that would explain this. One I have mentioned before: "The Schwarzbein Principle"which is huge, as it is written by an actual endocrinologist- as opposed to some schmoe selling supplements on the internet. ;)  Her approach is to figure out if you have insulin resistance, hormonal imbalance, and/or burned out adrenals. General approach to "fixing" metabolism- eat balanced meals, eat starchy veg instead of grains, and slowly heal your metabolism. It seems common-sense, however, she cautions that it can take years.

I just ran across a similar approach, on a blog called 180DegreeHealth. Matt Stone is the blogger, and seems- well, a little crazy. I don't like the fact that a lot of anti-Paleo peeps have flocked there- they do quite a bit of bashing, which is pointless and annoying. Matt takes a few pot-shots of his own- I think it mainly targets the super-low-carb crew (I don't know, because I refuse to read the book.) The super-low carb advocates are on pretty much every Paleo/Primal nutrition board, and they do deserve to get called out, but I feel like attacking the whole movement is just sensationalism.

But he does have a free e-book (which I wish I could find to link, but it may have disappeared), and some of the stuff I read in there made sense. It advocates that you plan a month where you eat a lot more than usual. He refers to it as a "spa month" (which really, who can't get behind that? You may gain weight initially, but supposedly afterwards, sensible eating will take the weight back off again- and then some.  You eat a lot, you keep it balanced(sound familiar?), do short bursts of high-intensity exercise, sleep as much as possible, and take your temperature every morning. If your morning temps are low, it's an indicator that your metabolism isn't functioning optimally.

Sounds...well, if you're me, it sounds terrifying. But it's so crazy, it just might work! And I have to say, the temperature thing is where my ears perked up.

Back in the Dark Ages- maybe 9 years ago- I was still a newlywed. My husband had recently come back from a 6 month deployment to Q'atar- married a year, but together only half that time. We wanted to start a family. As I was still in my 20's, there wasn't a lot of concern at first, when it didn't happen. I ended up (what else?) buying a book: it turned out to be a pretty pivotal book actually, called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility".

Every woman should have or read (or both) this book, and I wish I had read it as a teen, but that's a whole different post. The movie you saw in the sixth (or fourth, or fifth) grade doesn't even begin to cover it. One major thing I took away from it: your temperatures should reflect where you were in your cycle every month, so you could determine when you ovulated and have a higher chance of getting pregnant.

So I bought a basal thermometer, printed out the graphing worksheets, and started charting.

By Day 3, I knew I needed to find another chart, because the temps I was getting were incredibly low- so low, they weren't even on the worksheets I had printed out- not even close. 94.9, 95.2- I got really excited when I got up to 96 degrees. I finally asked my doctor about it, and they were dismissive. I just ran a little low. No big deal. I couldn't find any chart on the internet that reflected my crazy temps. So I made a chart in Excel. I know, right? Sad. I should have Photoshopped some icicles on that bad boy.

Things continued on that way- with me having a core temp similar to the average iguana- until I changed my eating habits. I started charting again a few months into Primal, and was startled to see that my temperatures were higher. They're still not "perfect", but they are at least on the chart, within reason.

So- the reality that a dietary change can increase morning temps was already planted in my brain. And while I am happy with the knowledge that my health and metabolism are better than they were, it seems like I can make progress, as opposed to just treading water.  It's pretty encouraging!

A friend of mine posted on my Lady Grok FB Page, to share another resource- there's a test that you can do, which can supposedly check you to see if your culprit is fat, carbs, or both. In my case, it's likely both (Since I have tried everything else).

I guess the conclusion here is that there's no "one size fits all" approach to the journey that we are on. It's just a little easier to have a map, and not be afraid to experiment! We'll see how it goes!

The Heat is On, Part One

If you read this, you probably know- I am a reader. I am a somewhat obsessive researcher. If there's something that isn't working for me, a piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit, I just keep looking. Sometimes, I come up empty, or get a bunch of conflicting info. But between Google, and books from amazon, I tend to be able to get at least 90% of the way there- which is not too shabby.

So. I have been looking at permutations of the way I eat, which might enable me to lose weight. I am not willing to give up on the general concept of eating Primally- it honestly just seems like a cop-out to me. I feel good eating this way, much healthier. I've talked about ditching ice cream and eradicating tubers- perhaps these occasional treats were the only things hindering my weight loss? Even though I fit them into my caloric and macronutrient parameters for the day?

 I am always tweaking. It's unavoidable- I am healthy, but I want to be healthier. This new-found focus I have makes me want to know more- the why's, the wherefores. And one why- the big glaring one, is, "Why can't I lose weight, eating this way?"

I've tried personal trainers, gym memberships, Weight Watchers, drugs, eating high carb, low fat, shakes- these worked initially, but were unsustainable long-term. I had two bouts with very low carb. When I briefly tried Atkins, back in 2002, I gained weight. When I tried to cut carbs again at the beginning of this year- it was bad. My lab values went squirrely, my energy disappeared, and I was just lethargic, puffy, and miserable. 

Wheen you're obese, going to the doctor is always a nightmare. If I bring up any health complaint, they will link it to my weight. I can tell them that I rarely eat anything that comes in a package, that I eat organic and avoid sugar and grains and that I do exercise, and they- well, sometimes they humor me, and sometimes they flat-out accuse me of lying. I have to wonder- the stats on how obese people are more likely to die from minor ailments? Maybe that is linked to the fact that obese people avoid going to the doctor. Because they don't want to be patronized and sent off with instructions to "eat less, exercise more."

When I wrote my story for MDA, I was struck by how many people are in the same boat as I am. All these positive changes, and yet...weight loss wasn't happening for them. A LOT of those people were women. A LOT of them had a history of childhood obesity. And a LOT of them said the same thing, "I have tried everything. I really want this to work. I feel so much better but it just isn't working for me!"I think we can extrapolate that that they have an extensive] history of dieting.

So we have a large population, primarily female, who have dutifully dieted, and dieted, and followed doctor's orders and dieted some more. And they just got fatter and sicker. And if they are anything like me, finally got so frustrated one night at 3AM, that they did some googling, and ran across a Primal/Paleo blog- maybe one of the biggies. OR, they saw that pasty guy in IT drop weight seemingly overnight, and asked him about it. And he tells her the truth (for him): That is was easy, and he ate a lot of bacon.

So they try it. And they aren't as sick anymore, and are eating healthy and exercising more- but they are still fat. And their doctor is telling them that they just need to eat more whole grains and veggies, and exercise more. Or that they are going to get cholesterol poisoning. If they are stubborn (like me) and get as many benefits from it as I did, they might still stick with it. I would guess though, that the weight is the most important thing for the majority of people.

So, what can we do about it?

I am still doing some research, (Part 2- tomorrow!) but if you do read this, I'd appreciate your take on it in the comments!

The Final Frontier

Oh, potatoes. Why must you be so comforting?
I enjoy you in all your myriad forms: Baked. Scalloped. Soup. Mashed. French fried, hash browned, roasted, toasted, you name it.

Sam Gamgee is evidently my spirit animal.

If you don't know who Sam Gamgee is....(impossible!) he is Frodo's lovable gardener and sidekick in Lord of the Rings.


He waxes rapturous in his musings of how great potatoes are. He is also (coincidentally? Probably not) the FAT hobbit. Oh Sam. Those potatoes are killing you!

Seriously, I have learned to avoid carb-phobia. First of all, it can get ridiculous, and second of all, it just doesn't work for me. (I guess the moral here is that if being ridiculous works, sign me up for it.) It also makes me feel like a self-righteous ass. "I don't eat grains! I don't eat processed foods! I avoid most conventional dairy! I only eat pastured meat! I don't even drink coffee anymore!"  I don't want to be one of those finger-shaking, holier than thou butt-munch people. I just want to be healthy. Seriously.
And potatoes are something that I have occasionally tried to avoid, but will occasionally indulge in. Admittedly- since I was a kid, this was my favorite way to eat. Good old "meat and potatoes".

When I travel, this becomes a problem. I think it's because a lot of the things served in restaurants that I can eat come with a side of potatoes. Sometimes they are mashed, and heaven knows what's in them. Baked potatoes are typically pretty much au naturale. But most options are typically fried. If I am being honest with myself, they are probably fried in canola oil, which makes them even worse. And then dredged in sugary ketchup. (Gah!) But if they are there-I will eat them. 

It finally comes down to this- how do I feel when I eat them? And the answer is that I feel- slow. Lethargic. Slightly headachey. No bueno.

So, I need to cut that out. The Ice Cream Agenda seems to have worked out well for me- and now I am going to have to cull out the potatoes.

  Inside, a voice is screaming, "No! No! Not the potatoes!!!!" Which is probably another sign I shouldn't be having them.



 Sorry Sam. You're still my favorite.

My Deal with the Devil

Those of you who know me- know my weaknesses. One in particular- Ice Cream. Even CRAPPY ice cream. It is my thing. Once again, I have to hearken back to childhood- if I was upset, had a bad day, got in trouble, whatever- dad would come knocking on the door to my room (sometimes I had actually barricaded myself in there) and say, "Who wants to go to Baskin-Robbins?" It's a strange symbol of comfort and forgiveness, the happiness of being a kid, and summer vacation. Plus, you know, it tastes good.

Ice cream is my kryptonite. I've tried the Coconut Bliss stuff, and it's just not the same. So I tried to keep ice cream- the real, high quality stuff- a manageable part of my life. I would only get a scoop of it at a time. Keeping a gallon or two in the freezer at home was absolutely verboten. 

So the other night, hubby and I went out to dinner. At the end of it, the server asked if we wanted dessert. I was going to hold out for my scoop of cardamom ice cream from my favorite place. But then I saw the look on my husband's face, and sighed. I got a refill on my iced tea, and he got a monster slice of cheesecake.  "I will take you to get ice cream on the way home!" he promised, through a mouthful of strawberries and graham cracker crust.

We paid the bill, and summarily drove to Three Twins Ice cream, but were greeted by dark windows and a sign that said CLOSED- just in case there was any room for doubt.  "Tomorrow!" he said. I really didn't have much choice in the matter. I had just had a giant salad, a steak and a sweet potato, anyway. I could hang.

The next day, I was scrubbing the bathroom, when he burst in at lunch time. I was red-faced, reeking of cleaning products, and wearing cutoffs and a ratty t-shirt. "Ice Cream?" he said, hopefully.

Ooh. Ice cream. "Yes, please!" I said. And off he went.

He came back with three pints of the stuff. Oh no! "I didn't want it to get all melty in the car," he explained.

So this was the beginning of the perfect storm. Hormonally, I was at that point (the ladies will understand) where I was fully prepared to inhale massive amounts of comfort food, and worry about the consequences later. I don't keep junk food in the house. And now the universe had supplied me with 1.5 (I shared) pints of delicious ice cream.  This is the point where there should be a red phone you can use to call someone to save you from yourself.

I ate my the majority of my ice cream allotment. I started to watch "The Artist", and noticed that my eyelids were getting heavy. I was having trouble concentrating. And that is the last thing I remember. I blamed it on a sugar crash, plus TOM tiredness. Mainly, I was mad because I paid $5.99 for that movie on Pay per View and SLEPT THROUGH IT. D'Oh!

I had to go in for labwork this morning. So I made sure after dinner last night (the next day) that I was careful to cut myself off at 8PM, because they were fasting labs. As it turns out, I had to drive quite a bit to get to the only lab that was open on Saturday. Since I have changed my eating habits, not eating for 16 hours is no big deal. I wasn't particularly hungry- Iwas hot, though, and definitely shouldn't fast after a blood draw. "I really should think about breakfast!" I said to myself. "It's hot, I don't really want eggs." And instead of "Salad!" or "Vanilla protein shake!" my addict brain went, "IIIIICE CREEEEEEAM."

I ate the ice cream for breakfast, and BAM! Sat down on the couch, and that's all she wrote. Call it a sugar crash, call it whatever you want, but that can't be good. Fruit doesn't have this effect on me, and neither do potatoes- my only source of refined sugar is ice cream, and it's looking like I can't tolerate it anymore, except in teeeeeny amounts. Instead of ice cream = comfort, I can change the equation to ice cream = narcolepsy.

I do need to find a decent substitute though. Time to get out the ice cream maker and start experimenting.

Issues! Get your issues right here!

No Thanks! I'm on a diet.

I've done a lot of thinking about this, especially lately. There have been many, many Paleo lady bloggers talking about this. I don't know if it's just the perfect storm, or what. But seriously. The unattainable (by most) feminine ideal has obviously been percolating through more than a few heads lately. And for good reason. 

I believe in health. Health is the reason I am careful about what I put into my body. Feeling like you're worth it shouldn't be a hurdle, but sometimes, it is.

I ran across a post at one of my favorite sites, The Hairpin, today. It isn't a "Paleo post", but the spirit is the same. Love your body. Respect and care for it. Give it what it needs, and it will give you what you need: a place for your mind to exist, and your soul to inhabit. There are as many different magical formulas for this as there are people in the universe. When I get into a weird obsessive rut, it helps me to realize that all I can do is my best, and worrying about the diameter of my upper arms is strictly a First World Problem. And if someone out there in my daily travels has an issue with it, well, it's their issue.

Of course, they might say something about it. That happens occasionally. These people tend to fall into three categories.

1. Men.
2. Small children.
3. The well-meaning.

So men. HI! You guys (in general) have had many things to say about my body (and the bodies of every other woman I know) over the years. Some of them were even positive, in a non-demeaning way. Thanks for that, and for using your words in complete sentences. However, points are automatically deducted if whatever you wanted to share was screamed from a moving vehicle or contained some kind of animal noise, or if you drooled. To those guys who called me Double Bubble in high school? I wonder if my wish that you would all die of chronic dysentery ever came true. Ahem.

If you're paying a compliment, sincerity counts. Saying that you're concerned about my health when you are actually concerned about what your friends will think about the size of my derriere? Yes, women have figured that one out. It's like that line about going to Hooters because they have the best chicken wings. But I digress.

A couple of personal examples. I used to love to go out dancing. Sadly, men who like to go out dancing (clarification- straight men) typically think that women at clubs are "on the market". So when someone at the bar offered me a drink, I declined politely. He asked me what my problem was, and I said, truthfully: "Sorry, I have a boyfriend, and I don't accept drinks from guys I don't know." Which is when he said to me, in what I presume was his most withering tone, "Fat Bitch!"

I was appalled, and angry. Normally, I would have just taken off.  But from somewhere inside me, a voice roared, "That's right! Fat Bitch who TURNED YOU DOWN." He was the one who ended up slinking off.   
 As someone who is typically tongue-tied and furious when I am confronted like that- it was a brief and shining moment, let me tell you!

On the other hand, I would say the most positive (and amusing) interaction I have ever had in this arena with a man I didn't know, happened on my trip to Morocco.

Now, if you have never been to Morocco, it is beautiful, exotic, and foreign. It is also like walking through a construction site in the 1970's. The verbal sexual harassment was constant, and completely unrelenting. I was stopped at a store in the souk, looking at heaven knows what. If I know myself, it was probably a purse. Two men: one older, and one younger, were standing nearby, and the young one (A modern hipster in skinny jeans and huge sunglasses) started in. "Hey Baby!" and on, and on. I am assuming the gentleman he was with was his father. He stood there in his long white robe, looked at his son disapprovingly for a minute, and held up a hand for silence. Then he turned to me, smiled, and said, "You have a beautiful nose, Mademoiselle." And looked at his gaping son as if to say, "There, THAT'S how it's done!" And with a regal wave, they walked away. And to this day, that remains the only compliment on my nose I have ever received. Originality (not to mention class) counts for a lot.

Young children: they are curious, and they have questions. They actually hear a lot of things, and see even more. They know their mommies are dieting. I've had them pat me experimentally, to see what I feel like. It's strange and humbling to have children ask you about your body. If there's anything that dredges up every body image issue you've ever had, that would be it.They ask me why I am fat, and I explain that everyone is different- some people are short, some people are bigger than other people- the world would be boring if we were all the same, right? (Luckily, I have never had one disagree!)

I've read them books about ice cream, only to have them raise their hands and say, "Ice cream makes you fat." It's happened so often, I have a canned response. "A little bit of ice cream is OK. That's why it's called a treat! But too much of ANYTHING probably isn't good for you. Has anyone here ever eaten too much of something? How did that make your body feel?" Little kids want to understand and discuss it. Which would occasionally get me into situations when five-year-olds would discuss my body dispassionately, right in front of me. Little girls arguing about the size of your ass is something everyone should have to remain poker-faced through, at least once.

Little Girl 1: "Lady Grok, your butt is big!"
Little Girl 2: (indignantly) "No it is not! Lady Grok's butt is just the right size for Lady Grok!"
Me: (holding back violent laughter) "Thank you, ladies."
Little Girl 2: "No, really! I saw a lady who had a really BIG bottom when I went with my mommy to get a pedicure! It was like...like this!!!!" And she held out her hands to each side, as far as they would go. And then continued, "If your bottom was like that, you would have to have a SPECIAL CHAIR." 

When girls get a little older, they have learned that it's not polite to ask. They also start to internalize the constant scrutiny around them. The result? Once upon a time, I had to try to reason with 8-9 year old girls in a class I was teaching. We were learning about internal organs, and traced the outlines of their bodies on butcher paper, so we could cut out paper organs and place them in the correct spots on the drawing. One girl traced her friend's outline a few inches bigger than she actually was- just to be obnoxious. Once I had refereed THAT, the same girl re-drew her own waist so it was actually too narrow for the child-sized organs to fit inside. 

This same girl talked constantly about the fat content of the snacks we had, and mentioned dieting all the time- and bullied the other little girls about what they ate, too.  After biting my tongue for awhile, I sat down with four of the girls and had a chat. I had to be hyper-vigilant about my own personal body issues the entire time. I think my main points were 1. You need these organs to be healthy and survive. If there were no room for them, what do you think would happen to you? 2. Is it better to me thin and sick, or to be a little bigger and healthy, with a body that works? 3. Aren't there more exciting and interesting things to talk about besides how many calories are in everything?  Then we talked about how much space our brain takes up in our heads. Would we want a smaller brain so our head could be smaller? 

It starts way earlier than we would think, and it's just so insidious and so, so sad. And we all know where it comes from. 

And as for the "well-meaning"- "You have such a pretty face..." (strategic pause)

That just sucks. It sucks!! I want to chisel exactly HOW much it sucks into the side of a mountain.A tall one.

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

So....It's been a crazy, crazy, CRAZY couple of months. As you may have surmised, that new job I talked about? Got insanely busy overnight, and just sort of dropped the ball on a lot of things. In addition, I seem to have figured out (trial and error people!) that the Very Low Carb version of myself? Doesn't play well with others. To add insult to injury- my weight loss didn't happen. I kept gaining and losing the same three pounds for a few months, and taking involuntary naps.

I kept beating myself up about it, and somehow emerged on the other side with the realization that my health is the most important thing, and losing weight was just going to have to take a backseat to Things That Are Important To Me Right Now. (TTAITMRN.)

So I decided to write down all the crap I have been through, in order to accentuate the positive when I get down in the dumps about the freaking scale. And at the end of it, I thought, "You know- I am a success. I feel better than I ever have in my life, I am healthier, stronger, and happier, and- well, to hell with the "After" pic in the bikini."

I sent it in to Mark's Daily Apple.  And nobody was more surprised than I was when I heard back from Mark himself within a day or so, asking me to sign a release. The reaction to my story is still something I find amazing. I am still not at the end of my journey (Far from it!) but am thrilled that my experience rang true and seems to be helping other people. And there were so many kind compliments about my writing, it has made me want to get to work on this blog again- and maybe even take it to the next level! We will see.

In the meantime, I have tweaked my eating habits yet again. Not super low carb- a serving of fruit daily, and some starchy vegetables (squash and jicama are faves), along with limiting dairy to cheese and butter, plus working on cleaning up my food sources. Everything is organic, and if it's meat, at least 80% is pastured and locally raised.  So it's actually closer to standard PB protocol, and I am cautiously optimistic! Because the scale appears to finally be shifting a bit.

While it is within PB parameters, the general guidelines come from an endocrinologist, Diana Schwarzbein, and her book, "The Schwarzbein Principle".  Dr. Schwarzbein has worked with many people who have damaged their metabolisms with low-fat and low calorie yo-yo dieting: something of which I am definitely guilty. She explains in detail how such dieting messes up your hormones, and how you have to get your hormones back into balance before you can get your body into a state where it is willing to lose weight. It made sense to me, so I am going to continue down this path, as it really isn't a big change for me!

Whirlwind

So in my old life, I fell in love (somewhat inappropriately) with Trader Joe's brand Sunflower seed butter. To be fair, I thought the Sunbutter was a good idea at the time, and unfortunately, sampled it before checking the ingredients. Isn't that always the way? Because of course, I discovered it to be even more glorious than the now verboten peanut butter (OUT, damned legumes!) and it wasn't until I read the label that I realized why: it was chock full of sugar. Some hippie sugar: evaporated cane juice or agave or something similar. Crap.

So, I used up the two jars in my pantry, using it as an ingredient in recipes. As opposed to what I would have liked to do, which is eat it by the spoonful out of the container. And when the stash finally ran out, I bought raw sunflower seeds. And they have been sitting for awhile.

I don't know why, but I have been in a "nut buttery" mood today, and I ended up throwing unsweetened coconut in the blender, and the aforementioned sunflower seeds in the food processor, and basically beating the heck out of them. In both cases, I think the key is adding enough liquified coconut oil to make the fine particles pasty enough to stick together. The coconut butter was simple: just unsweetened coconut shreds and some coconut oil whirled into coconut butter before too long. The Sunbutter required more oil, as well as flavoring as I went with sea salt and some stevia. It's not the delicious nectar that the TJ's stuff was, but it's still lovely. And I suspect it will be a lot more obvious, since I will continue using it as an ingredient, as opposed to spooning it out of the jar and calling it "lunch."


I am guessing the reason that I am nesting is because it is pouring down rain over here. It's been a dry winter so far, and this is the first major rain we have had. So going outside isn't appealing. Also, the roof in our bedroom started leaking last night (NOOOOO at around 1AM, which led to a lot of cursing and throwing pillows around and husbandly leak detecting. We went back to bed around 2. And then, a neighbor went to work at 6 AM and locked her wretched dogs outside in the pouring rain. I know this because I woke up after dreams of fox hunting because those dogs we baying, barking, and pretty much furious at their predicament. I can't really blame them.

Luckily, I am still briefly in the position to sleep in, because when the alarm went off at 8, I hit snooze. I finally crawled out of bed at 11. And I didn't have a particularly productive day house-wise because....I had a job interview yesterday, and had a classroom observation today, and they asked me to come in for training on Monday. I start a new job next week! Holy smokes!!! And it is basically the BEST. JOB. EVER. 

Before we moved to the Bay Area, I left the Fresno branch of this business, and there was no branch up here, and I was devastated. So I did my best to find something similar, but nothing was ever quiiiite the same. I actually looked into buying the area franchise, but it included San Francisco, which was a major dealbreaker for me: this is a kid-activity/teaching franchise, so you go into schools and teach about science. S.F. has a lot of rules and regulations, and unless you are a nonprofit, you can't get into over half the schools there. In addition to parking and bridge tolls and other potential nightmares, I abandoned the idea.

Sometimes, fate just intervenes. I randomly did a search for the name of the company, and got a hit on a franchise in my area. I called, they were hiring, I sent in my resume, and got an immediate email, saying, "Can you come in tomorrow?" And two days later, I am once again among the ranks of the employed. Doing what I know I love. Hooray!!!!  

Detox

I didn't blog yesterday, mainly because my body decided that it was going to stage a coup and do whatever it could to take me out of the game. I drank my detox smoothie and detox tea, took my horrible tincture (which I refer to as ass in a glass but actually tastes horribly bitter and reminds me of EARWAX ew ew ew) and ate mostly veggies dutifully. The food was great: I made a vegetable soup, and was shocked that SG asked if he could have some for his lunch. Of course, he got to supplement it with sausages.   

However, by the end of the day, I felt like I wanted to die.There was a persistent horrible taste in my mouth: an awful mixture of garlic and metal. I also noticed a lot of temperature fluctuation: I would be warm one minute, freezing cold the next. The worst part was a feeling of overwhelming nausea. Nothing sounded good. I tried eating blueberries for dinner, and I choked down about three before I gave up. They were delicious, but my body so obviously did not want me to eat them! I also had a persistent headache, the kind I get that turns into a migraine if I don't intervene. Since I have been cautioned against consuming any caffeine, I waited until the last possible minute before finally giving in and taking half my usual dose of Excedrin. At least I was able to make life bearable. 

I spent most of the evening curled up on the couch drinking water, which was the only thing that sounded good, and watching movies on cable- and was in bed before 10.

The interesting part: I stared reading bits of "Primal Body, Primal Mind" when I was waiting for SG to come to bed, and it was like the chapter was tailor made for me. It talked about how heavily leptin resistant people have a really hard time converting from burning sugar to burning fat as fuel, and that their bodies will make sugar out of bone and muscle tissue in severe cases. Looking at my labs, I cut out all sugar on Jan 1st, have been staying below 30 g. carbs a day since then as well, and have been relatively grain free for two years. My fasting blood sugar was still riiiight at the top of the range on January 4th. That's kind of terrifying. No wonder I have been getting headaches!

So I am just doing my best to be mindful and get through this. It's only for 5 days. And happily, I woke up this morning feeling much better. 1 day down, 4 more to go.