The whole (grain and dairy-free!) enchilada

It was probably a mistake to use this picture- *drool*

Yesterday, we were unpacking, because that is what we do. And SG opened a box labeled "Bathroom" and emerged, triumphantly, with the scale.

Oh scale. I didn't miss you, and the 5 months I spent without you have been lovely. But of course, SG has been losing weight effortlessly, and he wanted to program the thing and see how he was doing. Suddenly, he was in our bedroom, exhorting me to step on. "I put in your age and height- just step on, I won't look!" he promised.

I stepped on. And I have gained 10 lbs.

Cue horror. And then bewilderment because...just where the heck have I put it? My pants still seem to fit fine, and my tummy is actually flatter than it was before. I am not even going to turn to that old saw, gaining muscle mass, because it's not like I have been pumping iron. So....

Out came the measuring tape. Mystery solved. All 10 lbs. seem to have migrated south for the winter. My hips, butt and thighs, which I have never worried about (unlike pretty much seemingly every other women in the free world) have both gained at least an inch. Yeah, okay, my tummy and waist are both smaller, which is supposedly healthier. I will take it as an indicator that things are evening out. But I spent most of the evening feeling dejected. I've been so happy to just maintain, and I have to admit that a. I've been lazy and stressed, and my diet has shown that, and b. it's been time to step it up. For a long time. And I haven't done it. And it's time.

So this morning, I wrote all the measurements down, and I stepped on the scale and wrote that number down, and I went to the Whole 30 website and re-read the pertinent parts of the corresponding book. I evidently bought the thing in September- following one truly awful and stressful period of my life, only to jump into another horrible and stressful event after that. And even though I am still dealing with the aftermath of that- No more excuses. Enough!!! If I am going down in flames, I am going to look and feel spectacular doing it, dammit. 

Today I made chicken soup and Curried chicken apple salad, unpacked more boxes (blessedly scale-free) and did some pushups and sit-ups. The goal is to go for a run one day this week, and get some active time in every day. I think the hardest parts will be avoiding the scale for a month, and cutting out stevia, of all things. I am also not thrilled about having to turn the Kerrygold into ghee, which is on the list for tomorrow. And I admit, I will miss cheese. ("and this ashtray....and this-")  But I need to know I can do this. 

Breakfast/Lunch: curried chicken apple salad, carrots, cucumber slices
Dinner: homemade chicken soup

Enough chicken for one day. I think eggs and bacon are on for tomorrow!

Look out weekend!

One of the best benefits of moving back to my hometown is, of course, friends.

Last night, the plan was to go see a preview of the first episode of Downton Abbey before it officially airs tonight on PBS: I am shamelessly addicted to this show, and it seems like they have amped the things I love about it up this time around: a lot of back-and-forth snarky humor and wit.

Two of my friends and I assembled in front of the Tower Theatre, and watched a one hour preview of this season in style. There was an option to pay $60 to support PBS, where you attended a traditional English "high tea" beforehand, but knowing that I would be confronted with inedible (to me) tea cakes and cookies and tiny sandwiches ruled that out!

So we went out for steaks and martinis after, instead, which much more delicious and was actually cheaper. Win/win!

In other news, I renewed our pact to clean up our act on Friday night. We hit Trader Joe's, and I finally replenished our supplies of "good" food. We went out and walked the dogs and rode bikes yesterday morning as well. Unfortunately, I was a little late. SG has been congested for a day or so, and asked that we go back home early during the walk early yesterday. Despite lots of pumpkin soup with bone broth and tea, he is now super sick: phlegmy and lethargic and coughing. I am hoping he sleeps it off, and am keeping him tucked up in bed. 

Okey dokey!

Well...we finally have some closure. The house inspection was today. We met up with both the property manager and the insurance adjuster. Going through the cabinets, we found a bracket for an industrial fire extinguisher, as well as extreme heat damage under all the stove burners. Further indication that our house was being used for a catering business, which violated the terms of the lease.

I feel like I am coming out of my post-holiday funk: Finally! SG keeps talking about joining a gym. Believe it or not, after 4 years away, our old gym membership is still "holding", so we may just see if they can cut us a deal for us to reactivate. Gym visits would add a lot of much-needed structure to our days here, while everything gets straightened out.

SG has been feeling "off." I suspect the culprits are the appetizer meatballs leftover from the party. His face is puffed up, and he has bags under his eyes and is sniffling. I have only had one or two, and I am a little off, but not struggling as much as he is. It's time to start tightening things back up again. I can tell there's a definite difference in how we feel: just sluggish and tired. (Of course, some of that might be stress, but food isn't helping!)

We went out to dinner last night, and my Mother-In-Law asked if there was a Paleo cookbook I would recommend. So we dropped off our copy of Practical Paleo for her to look at today: something I am very excited about!

I am also getting ready to look out in the freezer at the meat we brought with us. I need to start cooking- I miss it. I can't keep making the excuse that we are in someone else's kitchen. So it looks like we will be getting back on track as much as possible soon. I can't wait. 

Motivation, or lack thereof

I feel like I am the only person not jumping on some kind of new diet or detox bandwagon today.

Part of it is that I am still dealing with a borrowed kitchen, and considering the house situation, will probably be doing that for at least another month. And part of it is, unfortunately, that my parents have a huge New Year's party every year, and as we are staying with them, there are a metric ton of party leftovers. Gluten is simply not happening, but there are a ton of chicken wings and meatballs, which I would typically be dubious of: and I just can't bring myself to know or care what's in them. Fruit. Sushi from a Costco Tray- and dolmas with actual rice inside.

I have to go shopping, but there is zero room in the fridge. I am trying to convince myself that it could be a million times worse: I am not shoveling down the pies and chocolates and banana bread. But oh man, I miss having my own space.

Tomorrow, SG applies for a job he's spent a long time waiting for. Fingers and toes crossed! I am hoping that karma kicks in.

In the meantime, we are putting our lives back together, starting with the house. Hopefully, once I start renovating that, maybe I can renovate my eating habits! We contacted our homeowner's insurance for an inspection, and were advised that what happened to us should be filed under "vandalism."

The opinion of the property manager and the cleaning team that did our estimate is that the renters were running a full-scale catering business out of our tiny residential kitchen. Which is, of course, against the terms of the lease: breakage of the appliances due to misuse should have been on them, but of course, how would we have known? So we paid for all those replacements and repairs, and are dealing with the aftermath as well. I am hoping we can get at least some of the money back, plus more to repair the additional damage. We are currently living on savings until SG gets a job, so this is basically the worst possible time to do an overhaul like this. We are both doing our best to stay positive. DON'T PANIC should be written in large, friendly letters on my forehead.

Today we went and started pricing appliances. Countertops. Cabinets. So we will be prepared. I have sticker shock. SG is a lot more lavish than I am, I know I can get by with a lot of sweat equity and minimal upgrades- and at least I will be busy! I have time to paint and clean and rip out carpet and scrape ceilings. At least I would feel like I am accomplishing something! SG keeps talking about contractors. (Note: SG is insane. Lovable, but completely unreasonable.)  ;)

We meet with the property manager tomorrow, to compare notes and lists of all the damage. The inspection is Friday. I am hoping most of this is covered, one way or another. I am also hoping to get out and move- get some real exercise. We have been doing lots of walking- the ambling kind, looking at slabs of stone and wandering through home improvement warehouses and lumberyards- but that's not doing it. Perhaps tomorrow I will take the new bike out for a spin. I got lovely new baskets- front and back!- as well as a helmet and lights for Christmas. All that awesomeness should definitely not stay cooped up in a garage for long!

Operation Move It- Week 2

I took "before" pictures last night. I am still traumatized. I think I may have looked better before my "before"- if that makes sense. Deflating quickly isn't the most flattering thing when you're going to show some skin.

I already said this on Facebook, but hey, I am gonna say it again. Measurements are the way to go. The scale- particularly when you bump up exercise- can pretty much be a lying ho. 

I weigh myself daily, but only count the result I get on Monday AM. So for the week, results are as follows:

Down 1 lb.  Lost an inch in my hips, ribcage, and bust, and 1.5 inches in my waist. Woohoo! Also down 1/2 inch each on upper arms, biceps, and thighs. That's...well, pretty phenomenal.

I told my acupuncturist, and he said it was probably just water loss, and then I punched him in the face stuck my tongue out at him. And he said my tongue looks better, which in acupuncture speak, is good, but coming from him, means I am practically one step away from immortality, because the most I have ever been able to get out of him is a grudging, "not bad".

Anyway. I am trying to follow the exercise schedule detailed by Mark. I am dialed in with sprints, I am dialed in with "fun" (Zumba! Walking! Bike rides! etc.) But weight training is, and I suspect will always be, my Achilles heel. It does not help that I belong to Gold's Gym, and there are always huge sweaty guys on the weight machines.  And I am not so secretly afraid of looking stupid. Our home is tiny, with zero backyard. So that nullifies a lot of options.

I looked up Mark's list of W.O.W.'s. There are a couple that are in my realm of possibility. Most of them are pretty "manly" though. For example, one involves pushing a car around- I think I would rupture something if I tried to push anything other than a SmartCar! I also threw some stuff onto Pinterest to look at later- convict conditioning (ie, body weight exercises) and Shovelglove stuff. I actually have my own sledge (named Towanda) around here somewhere. And I downloaded a book,  You Are Your Own Gym, which is highly recommended on Amazon- more body weight exercises, AND apps for both Android and iPhone if you choose to do that.

According to my schedule, tomorrow is a "Lift Heavy Things" day. So I had better figure things out fast! Today was already not "perfect". I was supposed to go to the gym and get back on the elliptical, but I ran out of time (since I am now trying to religiously eat breakfast) and realized I wouldn't be able to get a good session in between finishing my meal and the acupuncture appointment. And I am not supposed to exercise for 6-8 hours after the appointment. So I ended up with 40 minutes before I had to leave- I was already in my gym clothes, so I set out to run/walk intervals through the marsh behind our house. While it wasn't what I wanted to do, it was still hard work!

The whole "No 'Poo" experiment is still going strong. I am really happy with it, and am getting into a routine. I also decided to try cassia, which is like clear henna: it's a natural, monthly hair treatment. I smooshed it into my hair tonight and let it sit for an hour, and I am really pleased with the results! Lots of body and shine. It also seems to have defined the waves in my hair quite a bit.

Operation Move it, Week One

The acupuncturist's waiting room: proof I made it up the stairs.

I went to the gym yesterday.

After a lot of soul searching, and dealing with an epic ton of crap, I have come to the conclusion that I am still Doing It Wrong (for me). I feel amazing, my skin is good, my eyes are clear, I seem to get through people around me being sick with nary a sniffle. But I am not losing weight.

My eating is dialed in. I have gone through my cabinets and cupboards, pitched everything, gotten tested for thyroid and misc. other potential problems, and  tried eradicating potential allergens. I've tried a "keto"approach, Very Low Carb, you name it. I eat token amounts of dairy, nuts and seeds as a condiment. Treats are few and far between. Maybe one piece of fruit a day? I am to the point where the slice of Kabocha pumpkin I had post-workout yesterday tasted like candy!

My sleep is still sketchy, but I remember my dreams with regularity now- something that I never did before. Not that it's any great blessing: last night I dreamed I saw a friend from high school and his girlfriend at an outdoor music festival, and the vendor at the salad bar (yes, at the music festival) got mad because we used up all the really good ingredients. And then I came up with some kind of witty retort, which pretty much summed up everything I feel is wrong with the town in which I am currently living and the people in it.

 And then I woke up. The most vivid part of the dream: all the brilliantly multicolored and beautifully sliced veggies in the salad. If I look it up in a dream dictionary, it will probably come to the conclusion that I am a dork, albeit a dork with Paleo street cred. I dream about raw vegetables. I am hardcore. 

What I haven't done is much more strenuous exercise than walking or low-key bike riding. My acupuncturist and specialists all said the same thing: that serious weight bearing exercise (at my weight) could really damage my knees, and that any kind of strain on my core could derail one of my other goals: getting pregnant. And that took precedence over everything else. After a brief stint at CrossFit, I was convinced to give it up. And I was, in truth, a little relieved.

Don't get me wrong: I loved CrossFit. I loved being able to surprise people. Every trainer I have had has called me "deceptively fit." I can run surprisingly fast, I have a lot of endurance, and I am damned strong, when it suits me. On my own, I kicked ass. However- my big Achilles heel showed up early on. What I didn't love is having close personal contact with people I didn't know, specifically the biggest guys in my class who were instructed to lift me and hold me up so I could attempt to do a pullup, or spot me when I was trying to kick up into a handstand against the wall.

I don't even like it when my husband lifts me up, OK? I am sure a big part of this is feeling helpless, which I have a BIG problem with, and then on top of that, having someone bigger and stronger than I am witness my inability to accomplish something. The worst though, was when my coach was trying to help me with flexibility, and was doing some kind of maneuver which involved putting pressure on me from behind while I sat in front of him, bent over my extended legs. I started shaking, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. At the time, I blamed some kind of muscle fatigue, but the more I think about it, it was (at least partially) the introductory signs of an impending panic attack. 

To head off questions, (yes, I know what this sounds like, so let me head you off at the pass!) I don't believe anything that would qualify as "horrible" has ever happened to me to cause this- although a partner did drop me once in a dance class, which hurt like a mo-fo and is still humiliating when I remember it. I am just fiercely independent, and not a touchy-feely or particularly trusting person, and feeling out of control (in the presence of someone theoretically bigger and stronger than me) is just Not Cool.

And that was a big digression. Whew! Sorry.

So- I did it all yesterday. Made four different gym playlists, because  music is often the only thing that keeps me going. Dusted off my water bottle and filled it up. Took measurements, weighed myself. I was pleased to see that all this monkeying around with medical stuff had only caused a 5 lb. gain- 5 lbs. that I am not worried about, because I know will fall off. (in fact, 1.5 of it is gone as of this morning. Wow!)  Perspective- Last time around, I gained 30 lbs. in six months. I was also pleased to see that my body fat % had gone down a few percetage points, and that my body measurements had pretty much remained stable.

The gym is within waking distance from my house, so I walked. I am enjoying my new toy: The Striiv is indeed making me much more aware of the amount of time I spend on my feet during the day- especially coming out of a two-week period where I just wanted to read books, watch movies, and sleep. Racing a virtual robot to the gym sounds much more exciting than walking there, right?

I did my best: an off the cuff HIIT workout on the elliptical: max for three minutes (8/8), cool down for 4(2/2). I realize that technically, HIIT intervals are usually shorter, but...ugh. I chose an empty row of elliptical machines, with a half-empty row of machines behind me. I was there for less than a minute before two women got on either side of me: one reading a magazine. The other burned out after about 5 minutes, and a guy took her place.

He proceeded to spend the next 25 minutes alternating between staring at the control panel on my machine, and staring at my chest. I know I am not imagining this- I should actually be impressed at his skill, as I was going all out on the intervals. He was keeping up with the pace I set, while maintaining balance AND looking to the side. I am not sure if he was looking at my rack, or concerned that I was going to have a heart attack. Anyway: he concluded his workout at the exact time I did. Creepy, right? Bleargh: this is why I hate the gym.

After about 30 minutes of that, I headed to the inline skating machine (there were only two, and one was taken, so I figured Creepy would have to go elsewhere.) I could only manage that for about 5 minutes before my legs were absolutely noodley and screaming at me. This is when I needed to remind myself: A. you still need to walk home, and B. you still have to go to the acupuncturist today, and his office is up a steep flight of about 30 stairs, and C. you still have to be able to go about your business and be productive tomorrow. Also D: remember all the times you did this once, overdid it, crippled yourself, and never went back?

So I swung past the desk, and asked about personal training. I want to get comfortable with free weights. The price they quoted me (for 2 months, twice a week)  was staggering. I would be better off signing up for two months of Crossfit: and have enough money left over to buy my Christmas presents! I am planning to do some research today. I know I need to do some weight training, but I don;t want to embarrass, and/or hurt myself.

I think I hit a good level: Tired but strangely energetic (in a good way) for the remainder of yesterday. I am a little sore today, but nothing major. I feel good. And I have added Bulletproof Coffee back into my routine. My acupuncturist is just going to have to deal.